I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
