Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
So apparently I’m into choking now
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
