I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
