my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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