she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
