These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize