Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
we're making bets on your personal life
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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