I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
