Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
It's blow job season.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
