you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
