ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
