There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
