When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
