just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
