Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
