i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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