ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm at about main and main street
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
