Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
