i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
