Who did Billy Mays play for?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
