Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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