I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
It's official drugs can't kill me
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
