I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
