I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
