Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
