Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
