i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
