Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize