Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
