just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
