whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I wish my penis had an off switch
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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