I like my sex mixed with concussions.
My cat gives me a boner
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I'm always down for nudity.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
