Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
