i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
