I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
