i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Swine flu is the new snow day.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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