sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
