You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Less talking, more tequila
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
