I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
