Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
