I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
