So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
