you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
