just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
