he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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