There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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