evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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