so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Randomize
