ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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