i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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