Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
