Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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