I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
