I can't watch pbs sober anymore
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
and you fell through a lawn chair
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
