Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
