He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
