Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize