if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He did a backflip because drugs
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
