Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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