the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
you win again, gameday.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
