we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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