i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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