And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
