i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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