i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
