dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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