I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
