Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
