New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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