He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
