So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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